Schroder by Amity Gaige

Author:Amity Gaige [GAIGE, AMITY]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781455512140
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2013-02-04T16:00:00+00:00

I pushed in line

I pushed in line

I pushed in line

I pushed in line

I pushed in line

I pushed in line

We’d write until our hands ached, and we were totally purged, ready to begin again, ready to be better.

I looked up to see tears dripping from your jaw, untouched. You toyed with the handle of your coffee mug.

“Please don’t cry, Laura. It was just a dead animal.”

“No,” you said. “No, it was not.”

“I’m not sure what you want,” I said. “Something that I can actually give you.”

“I want to know how this happened. How we became so different. So opposite. How this huge space grew between us.” You looked at me pleadingly. “Were we always like this? I don’t think so. I miss who I thought you were.”

And then you just let go, you just let yourself sob.

It’s not totally relevant for me to sit here and describe what it feels like to watch your wife cry in despair about something you did—no—some way that you are that doesn’t even seem strange or remarkable to you. Despite the fact that I have clearly lost the PR battle here—I mean, I broke the law, in countless ways—I’m still curious to know whether or not I did the wrong thing with the fox. Because in the end I really don’t know what I should have said, and I spend a fair amount of time sitting here wondering how I could have been more like who you thought I was, which sometimes feels productive, and sometimes feels like a rare form of self-battery. And so I have devised a multiple-choice questionnaire, for the reader of this document, whomever she may be if she is not you, Laura, in an effort to conduct, as it were, a sort of study. Here it is:

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